Cultivating Masculinity
Introduction
It's hard to ignore the devaluation of manliness and gender roles in recent years. While I don't believe traditional gender roles are necessary to support healthy relationships or society, I do think gender-specific character traits are essential to maintaining a healthy balance. That does not mean men have to work and women stay home. It only means that men should be men and women should be women. I want to share my thoughts on cultivating respectful masculinity in our sons, using my life experiences as a point of reference supported by scholarly research. As fathers, we are responsible for shaping and nurturing our children's understanding of being a man. In raising my son, Max, I intend to prioritize values that promote integrity, strength, and respect. Here are some of the values where I intend to start.
Hard Right Over Easy Wrong
One of the essential lessons we can impart is the courage to stand up for what is right. This is not an easy thing for most people to do. We may say, "I'll stand up for what's right," but do we do it? Setting an example through action is one of the earliest ways our children learn. So being someone who stands up and not just says it is critical. We can start by teaching our sons that true strength lies in defending others, valuing fairness, and rejecting harmful behaviors. Let's encourage them to express their emotions openly and honestly, demonstrating that vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength in connecting with others, understanding empathy, and valuing emotional intelligence. Coincidentally, all of these are values of great leaders.
Adapt and Overcome
Adaptability and open-mindedness are vital in an ever-changing world. Where the world will be in 20 years, I can only imagine. However, I'd bet it will become even more open-minded and accepting. We should empower our sons to embrace diversity and challenge stereotypes. Diversity is a good thing; groups are stronger due to diversity. Boys are genetically programmed to leave their families and seek out new groups at puberty to increase diversity during reproduction. By teaching them to value different perspectives, interests, and talents, we expand their understanding of masculinity beyond societal expectations, fostering empathy and respect for all individuals. That empathy will be a byproduct of the emotional intelligence learned through you.
Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is an integral part of respectful masculinity. Encouraging our sons to develop a deep awareness of their emotions and the feelings of others allows them to better understand the value of diversity and the human experience. Let's teach them to communicate and listen empathetically, helping them build healthy relationships and promoting a supportive environment where emotions are valued. If my wife reads this, she will probably give me a swift kick in the @SS and ask why I don't "do" what I write about. (My communication skills suck…like most guys). We all want to make our sons better, more successful, and more prosperous than we are today. Making our kids better communicators isn't usually on the list of things to focus on, but it should be and will be for me.
While our focus here is on raising respectful young men, it's crucial to acknowledge the importance of teaching young girls about masculinity. By helping them understand the positive aspects of masculinity, we promote mutual respect and appreciation between genders. This understanding enables girls to navigate the complexities of our diverse world with empathy and insight, fostering stronger connections and breaking down stereotypes.
Conclusion
As parents, we play a pivotal role in shaping our sons' understanding of masculinity. By cultivating values such as courage, adaptability, emotional intelligence, respect, and empathy, we can guide them toward a respectful and balanced expression of their masculinity. Let us also recognize the significance of teaching young girls about masculinity, empowering them to appreciate and understand the various expressions of gender in society. With 101 genders (I don't know how many it is), one can't help but get the impression that masculinity is regarded as the least respected in the current climate. With a bit of personal responsibility and open discussions with our kids, we can show the world that being an honest, respectfully aggressive man that will fight and die to protect his family is a commodity that should be revered.
References
Mahalik, J. R., Good, G. E., & Englar-Carlson, M. (2003). Masculinity Scripts, Presenting Concerns, and Help Seeking: Implications for Practice and Training. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 34(2), 123-131.
Pollack, W. S. (1998). Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood. Random House.
Recommended Book:
The Code of Man, Dr. Waller R. Newell
The Code of Man, Dr. Waller R. Newell
A very intersting book that argues the modern man has lost his way over the course of hundreds of years resulting in younger generations failing to understand their role in society. Dr. Newell posits that love, courage, pride, family, and country are the five core attributes that men can use to understand and achieve the future of men.
